on dismal days . . .

Affinity in Cyberspace

I thought this universe
Painless, emotionless.
Knowledge the essence of the soul.
But I was wrong.
Heart and mind are one
Empathy the essence of the Soul.
Lest,
This pain in my heart
This yearning,
To touch another's mind,
would not exist.

f.fasano-alt
ffa 12/10/97 6:36 PM

*********

Dream or premonition?

In the dream
I feel a cloud-like veil
SLEEP

While sitting at a table
I fold my arms
and rest My head

My life stops
Dream or premonition?
DEATH---------death

C 1993 Frances Fasano Alt
3/3/93
f. fasano-alt

************

Death Again

Again last night
A veil of numbness crept
From somewhere
In the top of my skull
d
o
w
n
Past my eyes
s-p-r-e-a-d-i-n-g
Into the base of my neck

It was heavier this time
THICKER
An unwanted sleep was
Grabbing -- Meeeeee
DEATH
i thought

But consciousness returned,
To bring with it
A new veil of numbness
DEATH again
i felt no fear
i knew this death did not bring pain

Morning came
I found myself
ALIVE
For what?
To live
In fear of a different
more PAINFUL
DEATH-----------------death

C 1993 Frances Fasano Alt

3/3/93
f. fasano-alt *************

In the Valley of the Shadow...

At Sloan you watch the brave
Living on hope
You see their suffering
SENSE their pain
Sight and sound and smell
Don't touch - it hurts
Agony leaves a bitter taste

Your pain pales
By comparison
Do not complain
The doctor is busy
Helping to keep them
Alive
Keep them from pain

You
Feel guilty
Being here
In this sacred place
You have heard the words
Not Malignant
You are not one of
The valley people

You take from them
You steal
doctor
nurse
time
TIME
Precious, precious time

You hurt
Do not complain
You merely hurt
You are fortunate
You have not been told
The boundaries of your life
You do not know
The number of your days

Plan your future
Your life is not shadowed
By this knowledge
This overbearing, all incompassing
Immediacy of
Your own impending
DEATH-------------death

3/6/93
f. fasano-alt

************

Halloween Playground

I crawled amidst the tombstones
Playing hide and seek
When out jumped Crystal Cummins
Looking most oblique

Now Crissy did not know me
But I for sure knew her
I had seen her picture
In the Town Inquirer

They said that she was murdered
But no body had been found
Just scattered clothes and school books
And blood upon the ground

At first I thought of running
Frightened as I was
But when I heard her crying
I stayed there just becuz'

What's the matter Crissy
I heard my own voice say
And truly, what did happen
On that oh so horrid day

Listen to me kiddo
Come close and hear my story
I'll tell you how it happened
If ya wanna hear the gory

I knew I did not belong here
My mind said better run
My feet they wouldn't listen
Then Crissy showed a gun

I looked around the graveyard
For sure my friends were here
I called aloud to Mikey
My body shook with fear

Mikey did not answer
Nor Tom or Barbara Ann
I knew I was alone now
And Crissy - gun in hand

I thought for sure I'd bought it
I felt a certain ruing
To play among the tombstones
For sure was my undoing

How bizarre a Halloween
The full moon shining bright
When Crissy pulled the trigger
I joined her in her plight

And now we haunt the graveyard
Every Halloween
Seeking other children
To play upon our scene

We want for you to join us
We hate to be alone
Come over to our graveyard
And get your own tombstone
<\center>

altie (ffa)10/15/97 ***************

p>

. . .here's a break - my first published work . . .

Baby's Way

Little fingers stretched afar
Never knowing where they are
Pulling this and pushing that
Not knowing what they're aiming at
Reaching out and holding fast
Each breath of life
As it goes past

Frances Fasano
November 1955
Printed in the Long Island Star Journal

***************

Logic

I have this innate calculator
It figures odds and percentages
Knows means and medians
approximately
Chances are I'll win at card games
Calculate wind speed
And adjust my golf swing
accordingly
I don't think in Infinitesimal numbers
But enjoy finality
from tedious endeavors
assuredly
I can use a mechanical calculator
To ensure my checkbook is
Properly balanced
appreciably

So if numbers
Get jumbled in my head
And I face mathematics
apprehensively
Do not assume
My existence - ignominious,
Vile or beneath you
arrogantly

For I have abilities and talents
That do not require
Mathematical propensity
affirmatively
And I will not assume
Mathematicians calculatingly cruel,
Heartless inhumane beings
acceptedly

C 1996 Frances Fasano Alt 3\6\96

***********************

Esse

The blackness
The night
It never leaves
It hovers like an ominous cloud
It engulfs like a poison gas
It is the blanket of my life
It is the essence of me
I grasp at the braille that teaches me
my hands slide and my fingertips touch the bumps
The words
Words that S C R E A M
at me
Words Words Words
Author - your words are my existence
By your words
My vicarious essence
IS FOUND
With my fingers
I delve your galaxy
Author you give me - Your words
Without which there is
a void
A black H O L E
into which
a giant vacuum sucks my essence
And I am nothing
I see what You see
You are the author of my life
You let me touch mountains and oceans
You show me blues and purples
You nourish me with your words
You give my essence
The brightness
The light
Esse

I can see - just trying to feel

C1996 Frances Fasano Alt
f. fasano-alt
8\31\95 **************************

The Philosopher

A Soul

I have these thoughts on being me
A spirit through eternity
A soul whose karma must evolve
A mystery that I must solve

f. fasano-alt
10/22/95 ffa

*************************

. . . parody . . another break. . .
not good but cute

*********

br>Urban Love

Come live with me and be my love
And we shall all the pleasures prove
Of tenements and sidewalk cracks
Of crowded stores and subway tracks

And we will sit on steps of stone
Pretending that we are alone
And watch the hydrant's water fall
On ashpalt streets, where sewers call

The jeans you wear, your old tee shirt
The smile that hides your every hurt
The way you walk and hold your head
I love you so, come share my bed

And I will take your hand, and then
We'll share a love that will transcend
The blearyness of city life
Together, when we're man and wife

I'll give you everything I own
And you will never be alone
While stars and moon shine high above
Come live with me an be my love

C F. Fasano Alt 1980 *******************

Rambling on . . .

Vacuums pulling me into darkness
caves ending in a feint glowing light
the subway tunnel, the Lincoln tunnel
an underwater swim

A great crater out west - somewhere
a volcano asleep in Washington
space a bottomless pit
lost within an iceberg

Death be not proud
for thou art empty
the space within a cardboard roll
contains ALL

There is no meter
no rhyme in poetry
allusions to illusions of
mirth in Funerals

Life is death
death is life
in equal scale
unequal

circa 1980 ffa
C 1993 Frances Fasano Alt

The Immortal

I am the sum of all to which I was exposed, in this life and maybe others, like everyone, the product of my earthly and otherworldly environment, properity and libertine. I have taken the harmony of the heavens which encompass me and created a philosophical being who endeavors to comprehend the meaning of life through Cartesian metaphors. I communicate with thoughts of immortals as they drift through the universe, grabbing bits of their wisdom and using them as my own, knowing I too will be a benificent immortal, when my karma has been fulfilled.

10\22\95
f. fasano alt

C 1996 Frances Fasano Alt

More-ME

Never wanted to leave the darkness, the safer haven, the before life, the painless Limbo.
Never wanted to return to the bitter sweet earth. It was my karma to follow the light.
I knew Sisyphus was no myth, yet I fought the veil for three days and lost.
The stone turned back and I was spit out.

more-me

My reality was always ethereal.
In infancy my being knew all fully aware, yet unable to speak.
Time stole the wisdom garnered from timelessness, and a child evolved.
Serious, empathic, straining to remember the past, promising to remember the present - to one day change the world.

more-me
The teen, shy, pensive, lost, living with pointed supervision, but without relevant direction.

not-me
Marriage, children boring mediocrity.
Sameness
Houses, lifestyles - filling voids.
Volunteering, reading, searching, existing -
existing

divorce

more - me

Finding, Being!
New, independent, whole, excited by the wonder of it all.
Life.
A woman, her children, the oneness the wonder,
Life, wonderful life!
A discovery of self, a potent being. capable, versatile, talented - a
totally amazing ME!

more - me

marriage
Soulmates sharing daring, exhilarating, adventure through this life and beyond.
Eternity.

10\22\95
f. fasano-alt

Thanatopsies / Invictus
Discedamus

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